Jake's sister, TooTall, and her husband, Vroooooom, were getting ready to take Jake out to dinner for her birthday. (Yes, send a card. ) Jake remarked on how freakin' freezing it's been the past few mornings, and how she uses Asimovian as a timer for the heater. ("It's cooooold... go turn on the heeeeeater... then the shooooower... then come back to bed so I can put my cold feeeeeeet on you!")
And now, back to our program already in progress:
TooTall: Well, you could get a thermostat with a timer on it.
Jake: Well, we rent, and it seems awfully complicated.
TooTall: No, it's actually really, really, REALLY easy. I mean, Vrooooom put ours in...
Vroooooom: I'm starting to feel a little insulted here.
TooTall: But, you put it in and it works great.
Vroooooom: You're not making it any better.
TooTall: But what I'm trying to say is...
Vroooooom: Nope, still feeling insulted....
TooTall: [to Jake] He could HELP YOU. He could help you install it is what I'm TRYING to say!
Vroooooom: Uh, no.
Jake: Uh, hey... how's about some dinner?
No marriages were harmed in the making of this scene.
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
In which our heroine loves her glasses...
Another quick tale from the aforementioned grocery trip. Also, a little background:
I wear prescription sunglasses. I choose to wear glasses instead of contacts because I think I look better in glasses, and my prescription is primarily for astigmatism. I keep my sunglasses in the car, and sometimes I forget to switch from my sunglasses to my normal glasses. If you see someone walking around the store with their sunglasses on, chances are that it's me, and I'd look all squinty if I took them off.
However, I always feel a bit self-conscious when I wear my sunglasses indoors, so when the grocery trip turned from long to epic, I decided to take off my glasses and try to get used to looking around without them. My evil nephew, BP (Bottomless Pit), turns around and looks at me with surprise. He says, "Aunt Jakey! You have really dark circles under your eyes!"
Me: "That's because I have allergies kid. You have allergies too, right? You're looking at your future, buddy!"
BP: "Yeah, but they came up really suddenly!"
ME: ::puts back on her glasses:: "So, did they disappear?"
BP: "Ohhhhh!"
I guess it didn't help that I was up until 3:30am the night before, but I never miss an opportunity to make my nephew fear for the future. I figure I'll tell him about how guys have to trim their nose hairs the next time he's truly rotten.
I wear prescription sunglasses. I choose to wear glasses instead of contacts because I think I look better in glasses, and my prescription is primarily for astigmatism. I keep my sunglasses in the car, and sometimes I forget to switch from my sunglasses to my normal glasses. If you see someone walking around the store with their sunglasses on, chances are that it's me, and I'd look all squinty if I took them off.
However, I always feel a bit self-conscious when I wear my sunglasses indoors, so when the grocery trip turned from long to epic, I decided to take off my glasses and try to get used to looking around without them. My evil nephew, BP (Bottomless Pit), turns around and looks at me with surprise. He says, "Aunt Jakey! You have really dark circles under your eyes!"
Me: "That's because I have allergies kid. You have allergies too, right? You're looking at your future, buddy!"
BP: "Yeah, but they came up really suddenly!"
ME: ::puts back on her glasses:: "So, did they disappear?"
BP: "Ohhhhh!"
I guess it didn't help that I was up until 3:30am the night before, but I never miss an opportunity to make my nephew fear for the future. I figure I'll tell him about how guys have to trim their nose hairs the next time he's truly rotten.
Sunday, November 19, 2006
In which our heroine terrorizes the local supermarket patrons
Thanksgiving is this Thursday. You may commence to sobbing. I, however, decided to be a grown-up about it, so I wiped away my tears and made a shopping list in preparation for my Fakesgiving celebration (that would be making a big dinner on Friday instead of Thursday). I called my sister to ask her something and we ended up deciding to go grocery shopping together. We used to do it more often, but she lives a couple of towns over now, so it's no longer convenient. However, this is a special occasion, so we figured we'd get it done together and spend some quality time (gack!) together.
So, we're moseying around the supermarket. My sister, Jo, has her infant daughter (Babyzilla) in the shopping cart and my 11-year-old nephew, Bottomless Pit (that's BP to his friends), is helping us shop. Well, let me back up. We weren't moseying. We were on a mission. It may have looked like moseying to the untrained eye, but we're hard-core bargain hunters. We were moseying like a motherfucker up in there.
Seeing as how we're both cooking much of the same food, we needed many of the same ingredients. If Jo grabbed olives, she would ask me if I needed a can while she was at it and vice versa. She'd then have BP grab an extra can and put it in my basket. After a while, Babyzilla got a bit impatient with our shopping, so Jo started carrying her while BP pushed the cart. We were in the dairy aisle, and I found that butter was on sale. I checked with Jo that she needed a pound of salted butter, then grabbed it and dumped it in the cart BP was pushing while saying, "Here ya go, kid."
Then BP said, "Uhhh, Aunt Jakey?" I look up and realize that I've put the butter in the wrong kid's cart. There was some random kid passing by, and I stopped him, told him, "Here ya go, kid," then put butter in his cart. The poor random kid was about 10, and looked appalled and confused. I said, "Uh, oops. Sorry. I thought you were my nephew," and took back the butter.
When I saw poor random kid with his mom, I told her that I was sorry I terrorized her kid and tried to put butter in his cart. A random lady passing by laughed and said, "Been there, done that." That was the best time I've had in the supermarket EVER. I'm finding random people and putting stuff in their cart from here on out.
Oh, and the best part: we were shopping at a store that tells you how much money you've saved. Turns out my sister, who taught me my bargain-hunting ways got a 27% discount, and I got a 34% discount. That's right, the student has surpassed the teacher. HA!
So, we're moseying around the supermarket. My sister, Jo, has her infant daughter (Babyzilla) in the shopping cart and my 11-year-old nephew, Bottomless Pit (that's BP to his friends), is helping us shop. Well, let me back up. We weren't moseying. We were on a mission. It may have looked like moseying to the untrained eye, but we're hard-core bargain hunters. We were moseying like a motherfucker up in there.
Seeing as how we're both cooking much of the same food, we needed many of the same ingredients. If Jo grabbed olives, she would ask me if I needed a can while she was at it and vice versa. She'd then have BP grab an extra can and put it in my basket. After a while, Babyzilla got a bit impatient with our shopping, so Jo started carrying her while BP pushed the cart. We were in the dairy aisle, and I found that butter was on sale. I checked with Jo that she needed a pound of salted butter, then grabbed it and dumped it in the cart BP was pushing while saying, "Here ya go, kid."
Then BP said, "Uhhh, Aunt Jakey?" I look up and realize that I've put the butter in the wrong kid's cart. There was some random kid passing by, and I stopped him, told him, "Here ya go, kid," then put butter in his cart. The poor random kid was about 10, and looked appalled and confused. I said, "Uh, oops. Sorry. I thought you were my nephew," and took back the butter.
When I saw poor random kid with his mom, I told her that I was sorry I terrorized her kid and tried to put butter in his cart. A random lady passing by laughed and said, "Been there, done that." That was the best time I've had in the supermarket EVER. I'm finding random people and putting stuff in their cart from here on out.
Oh, and the best part: we were shopping at a store that tells you how much money you've saved. Turns out my sister, who taught me my bargain-hunting ways got a 27% discount, and I got a 34% discount. That's right, the student has surpassed the teacher. HA!
Sunday, September 03, 2006
In which our heroine sees the street signs
So, our local radio station has been doing an all 90s weekend. Considering I graduated high school in '94, of COURSE I thought that this was pretty fuckin' cool. So, I've been listening on and off all weekend. A few minutes ago, it hit me: When I was just out of high school, they used to do all 80s music weekends, and I TOTALLY dreaded them. I hated all the "old" music and thought that people who couldn't get on with their lives and start liking the new music were really pathetic.
City: Oldsville
Population: Me
City: Oldsville
Population: Me
Thursday, August 31, 2006
In which our heroine views the world from a different angle
I've wanted prescription sunglasses ever since I switched to wearing glasses full time. My eyesight is good enough that I could definitely just wear regular sunglasses without a prescription, but because I have astigmatism (or maybe just because I'm a freak), it gives me a headache and makes me feel sick to my stomach to drive or bike without my glasses on.
I'm going to get my motorcycle license soon, and I really needed some sunglasses, so I went a one-hour glasses place. The lady was very nice and went through her whole spiel about how I needed polarized glasses and all that. I knew that I needed polycarbonate because I was going to be on a bike, so I let her quote it all out for me. I also had a AAA discount. She told me that the AAA discount was $80, and I was thinking, "DAMN that's a good discount." Then she told me that with the discount, it would be $200. Uh. Wha? $200? Okay then, no glasses for Jake.
On a whim, I went to my local club store and asked them to quote out a price for me. For frames that I liked better, polycarbonate polarized lenses, and scratch coating, it came out to a total of $80. Hot DAMN I'm all over that. They told me it would be a 7 to 10 working days, and I didn't care because I was getting sunglasses and they were perfect and CHEAP!
However, this is a Tale of Woe, so you have to know that it goes south somewhere, right? Tuesday was my first day of school as well as Space Kitty's birthday. It was the one day where I didn't have 2 minutes of free time to rub together... and of course, it was the day my glasses came back. Oh well. They're not going away or anything, but delayed gratification sucks sometimes.
Wednesday rolled around, and I went in to get them after work. I was SO excited. I got them, and they needed to be adjusted, so we did that. I walked out and put them on, and it was GREAT. The prescription was perfect, and everything seemed wonderfully clear. They really cut down on the glare a LOT.
I got into my car and closed the door... and noticed that that polarization on my glasses interacted with the tinting on the windows. Instead of the normal neutral tint on my windows, there's a very neat, but a bit distracting iridescent rainbow pattern when I look through my car windows. Now I view the world through rainbow colored glasses, I suppose. I also suppose that I'll get used to it, but until then, I'll have to be VERY careful while driving.
Not much of a Tale of Woe, I suppose, but it calls to mine one of those morality tales where you're granted a wish and it backfires on you.
I'm going to get my motorcycle license soon, and I really needed some sunglasses, so I went a one-hour glasses place. The lady was very nice and went through her whole spiel about how I needed polarized glasses and all that. I knew that I needed polycarbonate because I was going to be on a bike, so I let her quote it all out for me. I also had a AAA discount. She told me that the AAA discount was $80, and I was thinking, "DAMN that's a good discount." Then she told me that with the discount, it would be $200. Uh. Wha? $200? Okay then, no glasses for Jake.
On a whim, I went to my local club store and asked them to quote out a price for me. For frames that I liked better, polycarbonate polarized lenses, and scratch coating, it came out to a total of $80. Hot DAMN I'm all over that. They told me it would be a 7 to 10 working days, and I didn't care because I was getting sunglasses and they were perfect and CHEAP!
However, this is a Tale of Woe, so you have to know that it goes south somewhere, right? Tuesday was my first day of school as well as Space Kitty's birthday. It was the one day where I didn't have 2 minutes of free time to rub together... and of course, it was the day my glasses came back. Oh well. They're not going away or anything, but delayed gratification sucks sometimes.
Wednesday rolled around, and I went in to get them after work. I was SO excited. I got them, and they needed to be adjusted, so we did that. I walked out and put them on, and it was GREAT. The prescription was perfect, and everything seemed wonderfully clear. They really cut down on the glare a LOT.
I got into my car and closed the door... and noticed that that polarization on my glasses interacted with the tinting on the windows. Instead of the normal neutral tint on my windows, there's a very neat, but a bit distracting iridescent rainbow pattern when I look through my car windows. Now I view the world through rainbow colored glasses, I suppose. I also suppose that I'll get used to it, but until then, I'll have to be VERY careful while driving.
Not much of a Tale of Woe, I suppose, but it calls to mine one of those morality tales where you're granted a wish and it backfires on you.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
In which our heroine goes back to school
So school started last night. I hiked up the long and steep hill to my sociology meeting to... wait, time out. I tried to take sociology in spring. I showed up for the meeting, got the add slip, and off I went. However, I forgot to actually add and pay for the class, so even though I had the book and was doing the work, I wasn't really registered and didn't get credit. At least I only wasted a couple of weeks on that. So, I figured I'd take it this semester with the same professor because the book I had bought was customized to him. So, I hiked up the long and steep hill to the meeting, and found that the professor was ill and in the hospital and would probably be replaced for the semester. Uh, d'oh? Hopefully they'll still use the same book, but if not, that's $60 down the drain, or I get to wait yet ANOTHER semester to take it. Just an inconvenience, but irritating. I mean, the poor man is in the hospital. I should try to find a little kindness in my blackened soul, you know?
I went to my next class, which... well, let's not mince words: I don't think I belong in it. At my JC, you have to take an essay test to be placed into english. They put me into the class BELOW freshman english. Nevermind that I've actually passed freshman english at another JC. For a variety of reasons, I don't want to transfer my transcripts over, so I'm stuck with where they placed me. So, I told myself that I needed to take the lower-level english class just to get it over with, or I needed to find out a way to get into the regular freshman english using my transcripts. I bit the bullet and registered for the lower-level english class. I decided that I could definitely use some polishing with my writing (and no, this isn't an example of my best writing. This is just a braindump), so I'm trying to keep a positive attitude about the whole thing. You can look up the required books before class even starts, so I ordered the books online to save some money. Turns out the listing wasn't quite thorough, and one of the books I ended up with isn't quite the right version, and another one of the books I got... well, I didn't need to spend 1/2 as much as I did on it. Damn college textbooks.
The kicker: One of the books is a vocabulary workbook. I'm flipped through the book, and was able to provide a clear and cogent definition for all except one of the words. Seriously. Oh well. At least I'll have it out of the way and will be able to take Astronomy next semester.
I went to my next class, which... well, let's not mince words: I don't think I belong in it. At my JC, you have to take an essay test to be placed into english. They put me into the class BELOW freshman english. Nevermind that I've actually passed freshman english at another JC. For a variety of reasons, I don't want to transfer my transcripts over, so I'm stuck with where they placed me. So, I told myself that I needed to take the lower-level english class just to get it over with, or I needed to find out a way to get into the regular freshman english using my transcripts. I bit the bullet and registered for the lower-level english class. I decided that I could definitely use some polishing with my writing (and no, this isn't an example of my best writing. This is just a braindump), so I'm trying to keep a positive attitude about the whole thing. You can look up the required books before class even starts, so I ordered the books online to save some money. Turns out the listing wasn't quite thorough, and one of the books I ended up with isn't quite the right version, and another one of the books I got... well, I didn't need to spend 1/2 as much as I did on it. Damn college textbooks.
The kicker: One of the books is a vocabulary workbook. I'm flipped through the book, and was able to provide a clear and cogent definition for all except one of the words. Seriously. Oh well. At least I'll have it out of the way and will be able to take Astronomy next semester.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Random thoughts for August
First off, can I just say how happy I am that the summer is at a close? Man, I do NOT like the heat. The only thing I do like is that the sun is up for a lot of hours. But I don't like having to water the hell out of my lawn to keep it from dying, using the air conditioner, and sweating. Bleh. Bring on the rain and gloom, say I!
School is starting for me today. I went over my general ed courses that I needed to take yesterday, and found out that a course I took for GE is no longer acceptable as a fine arts credit. I took the class because it would be fun and fulfill some of my GE requirements and I worked my ass off at it. It was photography, so I was in the classroom at least 5 hours a week, in addition to going out and shooting off a roll of film almost every week as well. And now, to have those 4 credits taken away from me just pisses me off. I think I'll be taking 3 classes instead of just 2 this semester to try to catch up a little bit. I'm torn between taking another academic class and taking a PE class. I need both of them and they're both in the same (very convenient) time slot.
With school starting, it makes me realize that we've begun the sliding slope towards the end of the year. I'll be 30 at the end of this year. It's not a huge deal to me; most everyone I hang out with is already on that side of 30, so I feel like I've already been there. It blows my mind that my mom and dad had 4 kids already by the time they were my age, but everyone's path is different. It also makes me realize that in about 6 weeks, they're going to put up the Thanksgiving decorations, and in about 2 months, they'll be putting up the Christmas decorations. It seems like I've blinked and missed a large chunk of the year. Part of growing older, I'm sure.
Lastly, did you know that if you can't find normal scotch tape, packing tape works surprisingly well for wrapping presents? Happy birthday, Space Kitty. Muahahaha!
School is starting for me today. I went over my general ed courses that I needed to take yesterday, and found out that a course I took for GE is no longer acceptable as a fine arts credit. I took the class because it would be fun and fulfill some of my GE requirements and I worked my ass off at it. It was photography, so I was in the classroom at least 5 hours a week, in addition to going out and shooting off a roll of film almost every week as well. And now, to have those 4 credits taken away from me just pisses me off. I think I'll be taking 3 classes instead of just 2 this semester to try to catch up a little bit. I'm torn between taking another academic class and taking a PE class. I need both of them and they're both in the same (very convenient) time slot.
With school starting, it makes me realize that we've begun the sliding slope towards the end of the year. I'll be 30 at the end of this year. It's not a huge deal to me; most everyone I hang out with is already on that side of 30, so I feel like I've already been there. It blows my mind that my mom and dad had 4 kids already by the time they were my age, but everyone's path is different. It also makes me realize that in about 6 weeks, they're going to put up the Thanksgiving decorations, and in about 2 months, they'll be putting up the Christmas decorations. It seems like I've blinked and missed a large chunk of the year. Part of growing older, I'm sure.
Lastly, did you know that if you can't find normal scotch tape, packing tape works surprisingly well for wrapping presents? Happy birthday, Space Kitty. Muahahaha!
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